Continue the permanency conversation

Permanency conversations and authentic youth engagement

Every youth starts with their own ideas about permanency and what they can expect (or not expect) from the adults around them. As their caseworker, you can help youth understand the process and their role in it.

Choose your words thoughtfully

The words we use with kids matter. Reflect on what you will say, and how you will say it, in advance. When describing permanency and potential families, be cautious and respectful of the trauma youth have been through.

Avoid over-promising and romanticized words like “forever family” or “final move.” A youth has probably learned that these ideas can’t be trusted. “Forever family” can suggest that the youth’s family of origin is being replaced and that those familial ties aren’t everlasting. It also can connote a “happily ever after” ending, which minimizes the healing that they have to do and the complex feelings foster care alumni often carry throughout their lives. While adults use the word “permanency” a lot (like this toolkit does), it probably doesn’t resonate with youth. Put explanations in plain, objective language.

Meet youth where they are

Every youth in care thinks about the home they want to be in and their future. How ready they are to talk about that, however, may vary greatly. Be sure to make space to affirm what they want. These conversations may elicit big feelings around the trauma youth have experienced. Be prepared to:

• Validate a youth’s emotions.
  • Try: “that makes sense you’d feel that way,” or “I’m really glad you can be open about how you’re feeling,” or “thanks for sharing with me.”
• Ease into conversations about permanency.
  • Ask: “Is this an ok time to check in about our search for a home?” or first spend more time getting to know them.
• Listen to what’s important to youth.
  • Ask: “What do you want me to know as we search for a home?” or “Tell me what’s a top priority for you?”
• Pull back when they signal they may not feel ready.
  • Example: A youth may begin to shut down or get emotional as you talk, or may have lingering emotions that emerge later in their day.

Be consistent

Authentic engagement with youth isn’t a one-time thing. It requires consistent investment over time. To build trust, interact with youth regularly, at a frequency you can maintain and that they can rely on. Consistent updates, even when there might not be a lot to share, show youth you are continuing to work on their behalf. Youth will see themselves as an integral partner if you continue giving them opportunities to be one. Even if youth turn down engagement opportunities, they’ll remember you keep asking and think their involvement matters.

When youth regularly hear the message that they deserve permanency—regardless of their circumstances or behaviors—they can start to internalize that truth.

Be honest

Honesty and transparency are critical to building trust with youth. When youth don’t understand what’s being done on their behalf, they often think nothing is happening at all. At best, it creates serious confusion. The efforts to search for a future home are often invisible to youth. Honesty can make a youth feel more involved through the process and strengthen your relationship with them. Youth also look for follow-through in adults. Commit to being upfront with youth about:

• The different steps required to find a home and how long it can take.
• The status of any placement being explored with biological family.
• What might be challenging about a specific permanency desire.
• How you will talk to potential homes about them.
• Any mistakes you have made (explain to them what happened).